The Controllables.

When I first began this journey on Medium, my goal was to write a piece every single weekend. A journal in a way, just writing about what I was going through at the time. Writing down what I'm going through has allowed me to release the feeling, and more importantly, document it.

The last couple months have been difficult.

I was diagnosed with Keratitis which is the swelling of the cornea.

Keratitis caused my eyes to become red, swollen, and extremely uncomfortable to the point that I distanced myself from both family and friends.

At a time when people were eager to meet up in person because COVID restrictions had eased, I was heading the opposite direction and only attending in person events that were mandatory.

After taking a steroid for a month, the redness went away, but the discomfort is still prevalent.

Just yesterday, I went in to have my Lasik eye surgery after being given the go ahead by my Ophthalmologist back home, and by an Ophthalmologist who worked in the office that that surgery takes place.

I felt as though I was rushing the process being that I was still faced with discomfort, but the thought of not having to wear glasses any longer was something that excited me.

After being in the office for an hour and a half, I saw the surgeon who had originally prescribed me the steroid. We chatted for a bit, then he said it would be best to use the steroid for another 3 weeks to let the discomfort die down before the surgery.

WOW!

At this point, I had told my family, friends, and co-workers that I was getting the surgery, and I had even taken off from work the following week.

In the moment, I was ready to get the surgery over with, but deep down, I was glad that I was being safe.

This whole process has taught me that sometimes in life you will go through things that you cannot control.

I’ve tried all that I can to get rid of this discomfort.

Spent money I did not want to spend, sacrificed relationships that I was too insecure to keep alive, and lost out on opportunities simply because I knew I wasn’t myself.

This diagnosis has stopped me from being me.

But life happens.

As I get older, I’m learning more and more that I can only do so much.

There’s things that are beyond me.

During this time, I have grown closer to God which was my number one goal for 2021.

Knowing that this situation is out of my hands, I tried to figure out what God wants me to learn from this.

My thought is that he wants me to grow closer to him, depend on him more, and release control.

He’s showed me this in two separate instances in the past 12 months.

1 being my parents divorce, and now the Keratitis.

I’m fortunate to blessed with the ability to see the silver lining in situations, because although I was down and depressed, I still have hope knowing that this too shall pass.

I’m thankful for the people in my life that have stayed consistently by my side during this time even though I have not been a good friend. Perhaps this was God trimming down my circle?

The possibilities for why this happened at this time are endless, but the most important thing is that in life, their will be storms, and the only way to get passed them, is to go through them.